How to Give Feedback on Behavior, Not Personality

Giving effective feedback is a crucial skill, whether you're a manager, team member, colleague, friend, or even a family member. It's a cornerstone of growth, development, and healthy relationships. However, feedback often falls flat or, worse, becomes destructive when it focuses on a person's inherent character or personality traits rather than specific behaviors. This article will explore the art and science of providing constructive feedback that targets behaviors, fostering positive change without damaging self-esteem or creating defensiveness. We'll delve into the reasons why behavior-focused feedback is superior, provide practical techniques for delivering it effectively, and address common challenges that arise during the feedback process.

The Pitfalls of Personality-Based Feedback

Feedback that targets personality often feels like a personal attack. It's usually vague, subjective, and difficult for the recipient to understand how to improve. Consider the following examples:
Bad Example 1: "You're just lazy."

Bad Example 2: "You're always so negative."

Bad Example 3: "You're not a team player."

These statements are problematic for several reasons:

• They are generalized and lack specific examples. What does "lazy" mean in this context? How does "negative" manifest? What specific actions make someone "not a team player?" Without concrete instances, the feedback is open to interpretation and likely to be dismissed.
• They are judgmental and accusatory. Using words like "lazy" and "negative" carries strong negative connotations. They label the person instead of describing what they did. This instantly puts the recipient on the defensive.
• They are difficult to change. Personality traits are often perceived as inherent and unchangeable. Telling someone they are inherently lazy or negative implies that this is a fixed characteristic, leaving them feeling helpless and demotivated.
• They damage self-esteem. Attacking someone's character strikes at the core of their identity, leading to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. This can erode trust and damage the relationship between the giver and receiver.

When feedback targets personality, it becomes about who the person is, not what they do. This creates a sense of injustice and undermines the purpose of feedback, which is to facilitate growth and improvement.

The Power of Behavior-Focused Feedback

In contrast, behavior-focused feedback centers on specific actions and their consequences. It's objective, actionable, and provides a clear path for improvement. Consider the following revised examples:
Good Example 1: "I noticed that you didn't submit your part of the report until the deadline. This caused the team to delay sending the final version to the client."

Good Example 2: "During the meeting, I observed that you frequently interrupted others. This made it difficult for some team members to share their ideas."

Good Example 3: "I haven't seen you volunteer for any tasks outside of your assigned responsibilities. This means that other team members are consistently taking on the extra workload."

These statements are more effective because:

• They are specific and provide concrete examples. The feedback clearly outlines the actions that were observed and the impact they had. This eliminates ambiguity and helps the recipient understand exactly what needs to change.
• They are objective and descriptive, not judgmental. The focus is on describing the behavior, not labeling the person. The language is neutral and avoids accusatory or derogatory terms.
• They are actionable and provide a clear path for improvement. The recipient can understand how their actions affected others and can focus on changing those specific behaviors in the future.
• They preserve self-esteem and foster a growth mindset. By focusing on behaviors, the feedback acknowledges that people are capable of change and improvement. This encourages the recipient to take ownership of their actions and work towards positive change.

Behavior-focused feedback creates a safe and constructive environment for growth. It empowers individuals to take responsibility for their actions and develop strategies for improvement, ultimately leading to better performance and stronger relationships.

The SBI Model: A Framework for Effective Behavior-Focused Feedback

The SBI model (Situation, Behavior, Impact) is a powerful framework for structuring feedback that focuses on specific behaviors and their consequences. It provides a clear and concise way to deliver feedback that is both informative and actionable. Here's how it works:

• Situation: Describe the specific context or situation where the behavior occurred. Be clear and concise, avoiding generalizations or assumptions. Focus on the "when" and "where" of the behavior.
• Behavior: Describe the specific behavior you observed. Be objective and factual, avoiding subjective interpretations or judgments. Focus on what the person did or did not do.
• Impact: Describe the impact or consequence of the behavior. Explain how the behavior affected you, the team, the project, or the organization. Be specific and avoid exaggerations.

Let's apply the SBI model to the previous examples:
Example 1 (Late Submission):

• Situation: "During the preparation of the client report last week..."
• Behavior: "...I noticed that you submitted your section of the report right at the deadline."
• Impact: "This meant that the team had very little time to review and finalize the document before sending it to the client, causing some unnecessary stress and concern."

Example 2 (Interruptions):

• Situation: "During yesterday's team meeting..."
• Behavior: "...I observed that you interrupted several team members while they were speaking."
• Impact: "This made it difficult for them to fully express their ideas and contributed to a less collaborative discussion."

Example 3 (Lack of Volunteering):

• Situation: "Over the past few weeks, as we've been preparing for the upcoming conference..."
• Behavior: "...I haven't seen you volunteer to take on any tasks outside of your core responsibilities."
• Impact: "This has resulted in other team members consistently taking on the extra workload to ensure everything gets done on time."

By following the SBI model, you can ensure that your feedback is specific, objective, and focused on behaviors, making it more likely to be received positively and lead to positive change.

Practical Tips for Delivering Behavior-Focused Feedback

While the SBI model provides a solid framework, the delivery of feedback is just as important. Here are some practical tips for ensuring that your feedback is received constructively:

• Choose the right time and place: Deliver feedback in a private setting, where the person feels comfortable and safe. Avoid giving feedback in public or in front of others, as this can be embarrassing and create defensiveness. Also, choose a time when the person is receptive and not stressed or distracted.
• Start with a positive statement: Begin the conversation with a positive comment or observation about the person's work or contributions. This helps to establish rapport and create a more positive tone. For example, "I appreciate your dedication to this project..." or "I value your contributions to the team..."
• Be specific and use concrete examples: Avoid vague generalizations or abstract concepts. Provide specific examples of the behavior you observed and the impact it had. The more detail you can provide, the better the person will understand what you are talking about.
• Focus on the impact, not your personal feelings: While it's okay to express how the behavior affected you, avoid making it all about your personal feelings. Focus on the objective impact on the team, the project, or the organization. For example, instead of saying "I felt frustrated," say "The delay in the report impacted our ability to meet the client's deadline."
• Use "I" statements: Frame your feedback using "I" statements to take ownership of your observations and avoid placing blame. For example, instead of saying "You always interrupt me," say "I noticed that I was interrupted several times during the meeting."
• Be empathetic and understanding: Acknowledge that receiving feedback can be difficult, and show empathy for the person's perspective. Try to understand the reasons behind the behavior and offer support and guidance.
• Focus on solutions and future actions: After discussing the behavior and its impact, focus on identifying solutions and developing a plan for future action. Ask the person for their ideas and suggestions, and work together to create a plan that is both realistic and achievable.
• Be open to dialogue and discussion: Feedback should be a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Encourage the person to ask questions, share their perspective, and provide their own feedback. Listen attentively and be open to considering their point of view.
• End on a positive note: Conclude the conversation by reiterating your support and expressing your confidence in the person's ability to improve. Reiterate the positive contributions they make and offer your assistance in helping them achieve their goals.

Addressing Common Challenges in Giving Feedback

Even with the best intentions and the most carefully crafted feedback, challenges can arise. Here are some common challenges and strategies for addressing them:

• Defensiveness: When people feel attacked or criticized, they may become defensive and resistant to feedback. To address defensiveness:
  • Emphasize your positive intent: Start by explaining that your goal is to help them improve and contribute more effectively.
  • Listen actively and acknowledge their feelings: Allow them to express their feelings without interruption and validate their perspective.
  • Focus on the facts and avoid personal judgments: Stick to specific behaviors and their impact, avoiding generalizations or accusatory language.
  • Ask for clarification and understanding: Encourage them to explain their perspective and help you understand the situation from their point of view.
• Denial: Some people may deny that the behavior occurred or that it had any negative impact. To address denial:
  • Provide concrete evidence: Present specific examples and data to support your observations.
  • Focus on the objective impact: Explain how the behavior affected the team, the project, or the organization, rather than focusing on your personal feelings.
  • Seek feedback from others: If appropriate, ask other team members or colleagues to share their observations.
• Emotional Reactions: Some people may react emotionally to feedback, becoming angry, upset, or withdrawn. To address emotional reactions:
  • Allow them time to process their emotions: Give them space to calm down and collect themselves.
  • Express empathy and understanding: Acknowledge that receiving feedback can be difficult and offer your support.
  • Reschedule the conversation if necessary: If they are too upset to continue the discussion, suggest rescheduling it for a later time.
• Lack of Understanding: Sometimes, people may simply not understand why the behavior is problematic or how to improve. To address a lack of understanding:
  • Provide clear and specific explanations: Break down the behavior into smaller, more manageable steps.
  • Offer examples of alternative behaviors: Show them what they could do differently in the future.
  • Provide training or resources: Offer access to training programs, mentoring opportunities, or other resources that can help them develop the necessary skills.

The Importance of Ongoing Feedback

Feedback should not be a one-time event but rather an ongoing process. Regular and consistent feedback helps individuals stay on track, identify areas for improvement, and build stronger relationships. Here are some tips for incorporating feedback into your routine:

• Schedule regular check-ins: Set aside time for regular one-on-one meetings with your team members to discuss their progress and provide feedback.
• Provide timely feedback: Give feedback as soon as possible after the behavior occurs, while it is still fresh in everyone's minds.
• Focus on small, incremental improvements: Celebrate small wins and focus on making gradual progress over time.
• Solicit feedback from others: Encourage team members to provide feedback to each other, creating a culture of continuous improvement.
• Be open to receiving feedback yourself: Lead by example and be willing to receive feedback from others. This demonstrates humility and a commitment to personal growth.

Conclusion

Giving effective feedback is a powerful tool for fostering growth, development, and strong relationships. By focusing on behaviors rather than personality traits, using the SBI model, and following the practical tips outlined in this article, you can create a safe and constructive environment for improvement. Remember to be specific, objective, and empathetic, and to focus on solutions and future actions. By incorporating feedback into your routine and addressing common challenges effectively, you can help individuals reach their full potential and create a more positive and productive workplace.

View Product